inlimbobitch

I hate my feelings.

REGRET.

http://paralyzehs.blogspot.com

My music blog.

Intense.

I think big things may be coming my way soon... Really exciting.

Sorry I'm being so vague, I just don't want to say something and then have things backfire leading to me embarrassing myself.

Uhh. Music.

I just wrote one of the coolest tunes I think I've ever written.
http://www.myspace.com/paralyzehumanitysequence
It's called Missy Madonna. It should be up soon, once Myspace is done processing it.
It's about my dog who passed away, Missy. So it's very personal, and I think it suits her memory well. I'm really excited about it, obviously, I made a livejournal post about it...

I've been freaking out because I thought the microphone input on my computer was fucked, but it turned out to be a cable, so I'm back in recording business. Which is good because I have a lot of work to do.

I hate Columbia.

It's pathetic and hilarious when one person believes they are the center of the universe for some reason.

Waaaahhhhhh.

It's embarrassing. You know, that one person can corrupt everyone else. She lies, over exaggerates, contradicts herself, loves to gossip, and lives in some pretend fantasy world where she believes the people that love her actually do. Well, I know for sure one person doesn't, haha, and I feel bad that he's stuck in such a miserable relationship, because he's a good guy.

It's funny. You consider me a horrible person for some things I've done, that have clearly been over exaggerated, and yet you're in love with someone else who is worse than me when it comes to all the shit you've spread around about me.

Neither of you seem to understand just how immature you're acting, and how crazy it is that you think you're innocent in all of this. Please fucking grow up.

"Lol bulimic ugly whores!"

I am furious.

I'm going to be upset if I miss out on this! Fuck.

http://www.myspace.com/paralyzehumanitysequence

My solo music project. I would appreciate it if you guys gave it a listen, and added me if you like it/haven't already. Let me know what you think!

Soooooo tired.

I apologize beforehand, this is just a rant. About something that's constantly bugging me.

I am growing even more tired than before of my peers who make music in local bands. I try to block it out as much as possible, but every where I go, I'm forced to deal with it.

I just don't see the point in trying to emulate things in music that have already been done. This should be obvious to anyone, especially musicians, who are so passionate about their art. The point of having influences is to learn from others, not to make copies of them, and basically rip them off. It's terrible!

Creating something original, I realize, and have expressed in the past, is really hard work. Coming up with a new version or style of something as old as music is an incredibly daunting task. But it's possible! There is so much music available in this day that one should be able to create something of their own that is fresh, and original, purely out of influence.

I admit, my writing style in the past has mimicked many of my musical idols, but in fairness, what my musical idols are doing, and have done, are far more advanced than most of popular music today. And I don't mean this in a cocky way at all; Those who know me know that I do not hold myself above others. It's just the truth. Creatively, and theoretically. But please, believe me when I say I am working on distancing myself and my future projects as far away from the sound of Aesthetic Report as possible, in hopes that I can create something new myself.

One thing that I'm really sick of is this wave of "indie-folk" or whatever you want to call it. Terrifying! I don't see the point in reviving a semi-forgotten form of music. We should never want to repeat the past. The only thing new that has come of this is the "hipsters" spin on it. Not so much musically, but the clothes, and the trends that follow. Folk is ancient, repetitive, and limiting. For instance, why not take the influence of acoustic instruments, and do something different and new with them? Even so, why ignore the advent of electronics? But then again, even those who are not ignoring this aren't doing any better...

Which brings me to the other style of music that is bothering me... Well, I don't even know what to call it. I guess people call it "indie" but I really have no idea what that means. It certainly doesn't mean independent, because not only are some of these groups signed to major labels, but they are certainly not an independent sound. All of the bands that you see at local shows these days, I guess. The bands that sound like a cross between At the Drive-In, Minus the Bear, and... mewithoutyou. It's insane. We now have bands copying the sounds of bands that are copying the sounds of underground bands from the late eighties to mid nineties. Bands that weren't popular because they were underground, and overshadowed by the melodic punk that was drowning the airwaves and popular culture. I don't know. I really can only ask the question of, "Why?" I mean, I can understand the opinionated appeal to this style and these bands, but why would you want to blatantly sound like bands that everyone knows? I guess the idea of fame and popularity comes into play here.

People want to be in bands because it's cool, not because they get some sort of satisfaction, and certainly not because it helps them reach a higher level, spiritually, intellectually, or otherwise. The music, bands, and people you see at local shows will merely evolve as trends do. I guarantee it. That's how these people work. Why do you need people to like you to play music? That should NOT be what's important!

I don't know, I guess people just aren't into originality and exploring the unknown. It just seems people don't want to abandon what's safe, or comfortable to them. That's backwards, close-minded thinking to me.

I am very pleased to announce that I am 7th out of 140 something in my audio class!

It feels so good to be doing good in school. And now it has been confirmed, for me anyway; My lack of interest in high school definitely hurt me with grades. Now that I'm actually interested in what I'm doing in school, my grades are excelling. I'm getting all A's (well, except math, haha). I just feel so good about this, and my classes, and what I'm doing. I feel good about Columbia's Audio Program. Though right now, it's fairly easy to me, I'm still learning things that I didn't know, and that will actually serve a purpose in my life! I'm excited to start next semester, because that's when the program really starts. I'll be learning so much, and I will be challenged, which is something I've been waiting for, for so long.

Well, unfortunately, things haven't gone smoothly, like I wanted. And of course, I have some great things to say.

No, I don't like Emily Krysa, and no, she doesn't like me. Sorry that you guys think you have me pegged, but you don't. You never grasped the concept that she is just one of my best friends now. Nothing can be of it! It's not coincidental on her part, and it's something that's been long overdue, and she needed to do for herself. Life is much deeper than what you can see. She wasn't "hanging on my neck at the drum party." I don't know who the fuck said that. She's moving on in her life, and that's great for her. So fuck off with this stuff, seriously. It's been like, three years since I dated her, Jesus. I can't believe I'd have to tell someone not involved in the relationship to, "get over it."

Sorry Taylor, but you really aren't proving to be what you said you wanted to be. I'm sorry you feel the way you do about all of this. It just sucks that you are completely wrong. You always had a thing with jumping to conclusions. With everything. I'm sick of proving things to you, so I'm not going to bother anymore. It absolutly kills me that it's appearing to not really be worth it anymore. I just don't want to see you turn into another Sarah Wirzman.

Speaking of Sarah Wirzman, I fucking hate you! You are arrogant. You are so immature. You are not good at baking. Living off of someone isn't going to teach you anything. And before you say, "Oh blah blah blah, you're living off of your parents, blah blah blah." No, I'm not. I have a student loan that I myself have to pay off. And even if, I'd rather live off of my parents, than a boyfriend that everyone knows you're not really interested in, and likewise. Yeah, I said it, I don't care. You are an incredibly lazy person. It's unfortunate that I have to tell you all of these things like this, and it's unfortunate that you had to fuck up so bad, and cross lines that you shouldn't have. It's incredible how a person can be so extremely shallow that they need to obsess over gossip, and talking shit about other people. Does that really make you feel better? Seriously Sarah, At one point, I considered you a fucking little sister to me! It's insane. I would never have thought I'd ever hate you, even a little bit. But now, that's all there is. Get over yourself.

Now, drama and anger are neither my things, so I'm done with this high school stuff. I'm not going to get into it, and I think I'm merely just going to cut ties on this one, and move on. I wanted to be friends with you, Taylor. All of these nights, I've thought about what I should do, and thought about getting back together with you. But I definitely can't now.

And I apologize for the anger, I couldn't really get all of what I wanted across. I'm sure I didn't very well get across what I did type, even. I have so much more to say, but I don't really feel I need to.

FREE BASEMENT SHOW!
SPREAD THE WORD!!!

APRIL 28th - 6:00PM
3502 Coventry Circle
Valparaiso, IN, 46383

Aesthetic Report
Horrormones
Mudvayne (Not really Mudvayne)
Lunchroom Table Atmospheric Orchestra
w/ other special guests.

The show is free, but we will be accepting your gracious donations.

I'm moving up to Studio A.

That's what I'm fucking talking about.

George Gordan is an evil man. He has an out of control ego, and has no respect for his students. Snobby. Stuck up. He's so high on his power. Well, if the school happens to be searching Livejournal one day, you know, invading our privacy more than they already do, I hope Georgey boy gets this message:

FUCK OFF.
Fuck your shitty school system, fuck your mustache, fuck your attitude, and fuck everything that is you.

I also find it bizarre that under Indiana state law, a school official has more power than a police officer when it comes to search and seizure. All they need is reasonable suspician. Which George couldn't have had. We were just outside the school. That's all. Unless being outside the school gives him reasonable suspician that I was going to Golf View to have a cigarette, then I'm stumped.

I think, I'm just going to get a bunch of people together to just hang out on the sidewalk in front of the school in the morning until it gets too cold. Just to test them. Piss them off. Anyone game? I wonder if they'll give us all Saturday classes for leaving school grounds.

I hate high school.